Explore releases from the Das Beste Aus Reader's Digest label. The detective asks, “Is that your husband?” “Yes,” replies the woman. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”, For his birthday, an old man’s nephews secretly hire a call girl for him. © 2020 Reader’s Digest Magazines Ltd. - All rights reserved, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), This site uses “cookies” for the purposes set out in our Privacy Policy. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. Though most of these stories have been written for children, readers of all ages will enjoy these skillfully told tales. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. He’s done it again!”, “When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, walks past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. BEWARE OF DOG! Condition: Good. One afternoon, I decided to clean a purse of mine by throwing it into the washing machine—spring cleaning and all that. Everyone can relate to these funny tweets about technology. “I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”, Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. Having trouble crafting the perfect message for a birthday card? “What are you doing?” the baffled psychiatrist asked. “Does that mean I get to keep the money?” Submitted by Lawrence Adelson. One was a pessimist and the other a total optimist. During the Civil War, my great uncle fought for the west!” – Rodney Dangerfield, A skeleton walks into a bar. Das Geld für bereits bezahlte, aber … But again the camera flashed. A: Get off the carousel. These are the funniest lawyer jokes of all time. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed, “Hey, you jerk! A husband texts his wife on a frosty winter morning: “Window’s frozen!” His wife texts back, “Pour lukewarm water over it.” Five minutes later he replies: “Computer completely messed up now.” Submitted by Catherine Hiscox. “Second door to the right,” says the bartender. Is a baby covered in cream, saying, “Ah! Submitted by Joyce Tenhage, A friend who had just turned 50, and couldn’t quite deal with that fact, was wearing a T-shirt that said, “I’m not 50! A man is on trial for armed robbery. The businessman asks for a Coke. “What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. He wasn’t familiar with royal etiquette, so he decided to simply follow the Queen’s lead and hope for the best. The Gift of the Magi – O. Henry. The bug grabbed Norm by the collar, punched him in the eye, threw him across the living room and then ran off. A car hit an elderly man. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”, “Oh, no,” exclaims Bonnie. There was a moment of silence before the woman replied, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious my condition is, because this prescription is marked ‘No Refills.’” Submitted by Roy Warner, An elderly gentleman walked into an upscale cocktail lounge. “If you look closely, you can see the little black dots in the meatballs. The landlady answers. Mom: How make chicken Daughter: What? Lernen Sie die Übersetzung für 'readers digest' in LEOs Englisch ⇔ Deutsch Wörterbuch. Impress a history buff with these hilarious history jokes. A man was stranded on a desert island for 20 years when a navy ship finally spots him. Temel Çeviriler: İngilizce: Türkçe: digest⇒ vtr transitive verb: Verb taking a direct object--for example, "Say something." During one visit, we were both busy with this task when the phone rang. “He doesn’t look at all dangerous to me. First Edition. But instead of yelping with delight, the little boy burst into tears. Start your day with our daily jokes that bring a great laugh. Submitted by Chuck Welch, Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, the young man led the way to his bedroom, where there was a big brass gong. So, read in small bites. “What does hair colour have to do with my worth as a human being?”. The light goes off.”. Get creative with our hilarious knock-knock jokes that everyone can laugh at. In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies. “You cheap bum!” she yells. ), I was driving when I first saw the flash of a traffic camera. It can only become stairs.” – Mitch Hedberg, “What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” –Phyllis Diller. Submitted by D.T. “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman. “Now what do you want?” the woman asks. His wife suggests he take out an ad in the newspaper, which he does. Months? “I don’t know,” she replies. Kündigungsfrist bei Reader's Digest Falls nicht vertraglich anders vereinbart, lässt sich das Reader's-Digest-Abo jederzeit zur nächsten Ausgabe kündigen. A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife. “What’s your secret for a long, happy life?” “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. Weinstein, Last night I was walking home and took a shortcut through the cemetery. “We weren’t looking for the same thing,” she explained. Oh look, just put me down for five.” Submitted by Kerrie Pont, The prosecutor was relentless as he badgered the witness: “What did the accused do when he learned the jewellery was stolen?” “He did what any honest man would do,” said the witness. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. Now he’s the village blacksmith. The Reader’s Digest Home Tech Buying Guide. About this Item: Reader's Digest, 1975. “He seems fine now,” says the vet. “All you need to do is take seven lemons, squeeze the juice into a glass and drink the juice.” “Will that cleanse my sin from me?” “No, but it’ll wipe that stupid smile off your face.” Submitted by Edward F. Castellanos, You won’t be able to un-see these funny stock photos. As they hurtle towards the ground, the parrot says to the terrified man, “Wow, that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings.” Anonymous. Four-year-old boy I babysit: *suspicious* Me: *Lays out books* Four-year-old: Well, this is disappointing. He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back. God says, “No. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy. Me: Yes. “Why are you washing it?” my brother asked, perplexed. “Ugh!” the student groaned. After Adam stayed out late a few nights, Eve became suspicious. “Lemme try some of that!” The man grabs the beer. “They hurt my feelings.” – A. P., via e-mail. Two men were driving home one night when one asked the other to check if the car’s indicators are working. A friend and I were enjoying a coffee in our local haunt when an acquaintance stopped at our table and said, “Hi, Ken. “I have to walk back alone.” Submitted by Harry Klein, A distraught senior citizen dialed her doctor’s office. • New Flat-Panel Television Pitch • Turn-Signal Vermilion • Credit-Card Magnetic-Strip Coal • Netflix-Envelope Scarlet • Cubicle Ecru • Unraked-Leaves Sienna • Energy-Efficient Fluorescent-Bulb Quartz • Blue-Screen-of-Death Cobalt Submitted by Casey Johnston, One day, when it was raining heavily, my boss asked me to water the plants outside the office. “Well,” said her husband to the shaken pastor when all the commotion ending, “she’s there.” Submitted by Norm Schmitz, One friend complains to another, “All my husband and I do any more is fight. Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?”, I said, “Me, too! So now I got me a wooden peg.”, “When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. “What are you doing?” “Counting your ribs.” Submitted by William Halliday. That’s why this suit is only $30.”, Finally, the fellow bought the suit, cocked his left shoulder into the air, tucked the suit’s left lapel under his chin, bent his right knee, and limped out of the store toward his car. He immediately smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car. “How are you feeling?” she asks. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”, There’s a silence, then a shot. Submitted by Fred Meckley, A man is recovering from a minor surgery when a nurse comes in to check on him. The head monk, says, “You make a good point, my son.”. On her next birthday, he buys her nothing, so she phones him, furious. The odds of getting mugged once are 1 in 50. He bit himself. !” Doctor: “Nine.”. A blind man visits Texas. However, grizzly bears are extremely dangerous. I told them: “I understand. “Let me tell you something about honesty: My father lent me $85,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my first case. “What does the word ‘contemplate’ mean?” the college student asked his English professor. So she brought me in the next day, took me to the manager and said, ‘Okay, here you go!’” Submitted by Andy Fielding, I was skyping with my three-year-old grandson when he suddenly announced, “You can come out of the computer now, Grandma!” Submitted by June Pearson, I was driving my three-year-old granddaughter, Nevaeh, to daycare one morning after a heavy snowfall. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? You’ll discover original profiles of inspiring people, real-life dramas, insightful essays, and news roundups that get you up-to-date fast on the issues you care about. A mother asks her young sons what they want for breakfast. Well-dressed, with a flower pinned to his lapel, he cut a suave figure. Reader's Digest Editors Updated: Oct. 26, 2020. Enjoy your hobby — in English “So, as you can see,” I said, “I’m doing a lot more than inflating at my desk.” I got the raise. Everyone loves a great knock-knock joke. “There’s just one condition. That evening, he decides to go out. My father-in-law calmly shook his head. Submitted by Greg Madden. Submitted by Jennifer Estlin, Moved by the church service, the richest man in town stood up and addressed the congregation. (Consider yourself warned! “You know,” says the crook, “this is more than I wanted to spend. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his four-year-old son comes up and says, “Daddy! Are you at peace with God?”, Larry replies, “God and I are tight. “I’d like to lose another 15 pounds first.” Submitted by Mary Buoye, Walking along the beach, a man finds a bottle. “Is that the dog we’re supposed to be aware of?” he asks the owner. He’s in the village over the other direction.”. “One neighbour endlessly bangs his head against the wall, while another screams all night.” “How do you put up with it?” “I just ignore them and play my bagpipes.” Submitted by Marilyn Adkins, Sarah, the self-appointed arbiter of the town’s morals, stuck her nose into everyone’s business. Who’d want to fly an airline that doesn’t go all the way? Preparing to challenge the prof, I stood up and stopped flipping through my assignment. Do you want to get a drink?” “I heard you the first time!” says a small, irritated voice. Father asks him, “So, you were at school today, right?” Son: “Yeah.” Detector: “Beep.“ Son: “OK, OK, I was at the movies.” Detector: “Beep.” Son: “Alright, I went for a beer with my friends.” Father: “What?! Uncle G: How much does it cost to stay in it? When I’m done, poof! I took that as my cue to outline my expanded role, and listed my actions and achievements. It doesn’t have to be Pi Day (March 14) to bring out these funny math jokes! Then she called, “Here, kitty…” Submitted by Khalid Khan. George ignored her and walked away. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. The apprentice did just as he was told. Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He never had a chance!”, The man says, “I don’t know about that. Submitted by Stephanie Finlayson, A woman walked up to an elderly man rocking in a chair on his porch. “That’s my twin sister. These hilarious school stories are guaranteed to give you a laugh. I want to achieve it by not dying.” – Woody Allen, The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. “A gnome,” comes the reply. Try these funny birthday jokes! Check out these up-and-coming Canadian comedians—and their best jokes! He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! Get ready for more witty bar jokes anyone can remember. Green beans are the most Zen of all the vegetables because they’ve found their inner peas. Don’t miss these wild tales of the world’s dumbest criminals. He rubs it and instantly, a genie appears. the rosie project a novel by graeme simsion digest and review Oct 15, 2020 Posted By Jeffrey Archer Media Publishing TEXT ID b6136f9d Online PDF Ebook Epub Library amazonca simsion graeme sep 15 2020 the rosie project a novel by graeme simsion digest and review posted by el jameslibrary text id 361fd713 online pdf ebook epub